Stop Reshaping Yourself and Start Reshaping Your World
When you need to get something done, how many of you can roll up your sleeves, dig in and handle your business? Once all the procrastinating is done, and determination settles in, what do we rely on to give us the energy to push forward? Okay, besides coffee and chocolate, where do we get our energy from? I know exactly how to unleash the aggressive, the “I mean business” attitude in myself to get the results I want. But there have been consequences to that identity and it’s been in the way of getting what I really want. I’ve built an entire identity on being able to trust the masculine energy in myself. Maybe it’s time for the feminine inside me to tell the masculine that it’s not doing it the right way.
Last week, I went to the master of masculine energy. The guy you go to when you’re starving for a change and it’s time to level up. This seminar was a “full circle” moment for me. I went to this exact seminar in the same city 30 years ago. At that time, I had to borrow the money to go because I was sleeping in my car and didn’t have job. I was mesmerized by the idea that we have the power to go out and get whatever it is we want. It was life-changing. I made my list of everything I could possibly want, and looking back I have it all and then some. Eleven kids were not on that list, so apparently I left out peace and quiet and free time on that original list!
But all those things were Barbie's dreams, not mine! The things that I have always really wanted never were in the realm of the material and I’ve been struggling to figure out how to manifest them. So, I gathered three of my closest girlfriends and we piled into a car, fortunately not the same one I was sleeping in 30 years prior, and drove 300 miles up the coast to spend 4 magical days with the Maestro of Change himself. No, not Mr. Clean. Tony Robbins. He does not have 11 children, so that is why he can give seminars on changing yourself, rather than on changing diapers. And the irony is not lost on me that I was seeing the same man, give the same seminar in the same city because I'm so down with change.
I got clear about my intentions. I was done being the kind of person who can’t tell people how much they matter to me. I was done being shy and lowering my energy and clarity to fit in. I was done dressing up in my sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt from my husband’s drawers save for 3 or 4 special occasions in the month because every day is a special occasion. And the biggest thing I was done with was being a micromanaging, control freak being driven by the fear of a dangerous future where nobody was equipped to handle the emotional and physical elements. It was time to reinvent myself as a mother, a wife, a daughter, a friend, a sister, and as a woman on this planet.
What became so obvious to me is that all of those things I had on my list of wants back then, a beach house, a ranch, housekeeping, fancy cars, exotic travel, didn’t come from anything that I actually went out and created. Remember, I was homeless at the time I made this list. The synchronicity in the people, and opportunities that had to show up for me to get from where I was then to where I am now are astounding. It all came from the deepest part of the feminine energy of attraction. My power never rested in the masculine. To get that deeper level of connection and aliveness that I am craving now will have to come from seducing it, not hunting it.
I’m certain that there needs to be a balance in these energies to be effective, but there is no question that I oversteer with the masculine. Once I found out it was me leaving the seat up, it was a real wake up call. When I look back in my life I can see why I thought power lies in the masculine. I grew up with my dad who used a lot of force and coercion to make sure my mother didn’t get visitation. The men in my family took what they wanted with no regard for impact. It was like working for Harvey Weinstein. The female role models were either absent or trying to escape both through drugs and alcohol, and through attempts at suicide. There was no clear understanding or relationship with a powerful feminine.
Those are stories of the past, and I am sure they are not unlike many other women’s stories of the past. Those stories have gotten us all to where we are today in our #metoo culture. I honor the courage and the progress that we can finally speak up and tell each other how it’s been. It’s a significant moment where we can take inventory of where we are, and where we are going. But, unlike men, we can stop and ask for directions. And what if we start speaking up and telling each other how it’s going to be in the future. What is on our “list” of wants? What if we start living from a sense that the world is for us, that it isn’t dangerous, it isn’t something we need to protect and defend ourselves from, compete and survive in. What could we create?
So, this time I’m coming back from my little seminar with a new list, a list to seduce and attract into the world, not just my little world, the whole world. I’m going to stop unleashing my power, and start revealing it. What would the world be like if we started cooking with some new powerfully feminine spices, like dignity and respect, kindness and compassion, patience and imagination, courageous love and wild creativity. What if we stop constantly reshaping ourselves to fit in, and reshape what we have been trying to fit into.