It's Not Your Closet, It's You

Whose with me on this?  You have an entire closet full of clothes, you can’t even fit all of your clothes into your own closet so you take over most of your husband’s, too.  And yet, you have nothing to wear. Sure, you’ve purged your closet, a million times. You’ve put together outfits and color coordinated everything.  It’s not so much that the clothes are hidden or disorganized, it’s that no matter what you have in your closet - there’s an underlying story more powerful than reality, that there’s just NOTHING to wear.  And because you have nothing to wear, you buy more stuff, beautiful, colorful, feminine stuff that makes its way into your closet so you’ll have something to wear. And guess what? You still have nothing to wear.

I approach my closet with optimism, really, I do.  As I sift through the racks of clothing, I’m bombarded with thoughts.  “I can’t wear a leopard print dress on a Tuesday.” “That’s weird, what was thinking when I bought this gold taffeta head wrap?” “Why does Shopping Brenda think I’m so fabulous that I could pull off an off-the-shoulder sheer ballroom gown, anywhere?” “ Why does everyone else look so good?”  “There’s nothing special about today, why bother.” On and on it drones. Then I just get tense and find myself lecturing the part of me that even cares what I look like. “Don’t be so shallow, your family is hungry, so stop wasting time and get out there and scramble some eggs already!”  And like a dutiful, loving mother, I close my closet door, and the door to my feelings, and shuffle off into the kitchen wearing the same clothes I slept in.

Clearly I have to confront the inner Sybil that guards my closet.  No matter how many designer outfits I have, nothing can cover up the beliefs that compete for my attention. No amount of clothes could cover a belief that says “I look weird.” Then there’s the idea that women who value their beauty, you know those high maintenance ones, don’t value the truly important things in life. Oh my god, the amount of effort you have to put in to keep your brows shaped, and the pain you have to endure to keep bikini area waxed.  Why would I even want to be in that competition? The most toxic and repetitive thought of all though, is that nothing special is going to happen in my day to warrant getting out of my sweats in the first place. What is that? I’m basically cutting out all of the incredible, beautiful, random moments that could cause me to be delighted and surprised in the day by letting that dull and lifeless thought attract nothing special into my day.  

In the scope of what’s really important to me, like my non verbal son learning to communicate, or getting his seizure meds right, or making sure my son Leo isn’t mean to himself because the kids at the YMCA don’t understand he has difficulty regulating his body, what I wear seems like a really trivial thing to be talking about.  Only, I know better. I know that I have been wearing the same pair of flannel pajama pants and oversized t-shirt that I stole from what’s left of my husband’s closet for two days straight and no matter how many times I promise myself I’m going to find something that makes me feel happy in my closet - it isn’t happening. I know that I am creating my life, and no matter how contrite the issue appears, if I feel locked out or frustrated with something over and over again, it’s there for me to explore.  There is freedom when you get to the root of any limiting story. And it’s not just so I can look cute, but so I can enjoy my day, even the seemingly mundane parts. And apparently, getting dressed is supposed to be a daily thing. I know can dress better. And everyone else seems to agree, including the cashier at Rite-Aid.

Bringing this thought out into the light of my conscious mind was totally freeing.  I forget that I get to create what’s possible in my day. Who cares that I might have to take an unexpected trip to the dry cleaners wearing that soft pink lace dress to a finger painting classroom project?  I might also meet Oprah at the dry cleaners, and I wouldn’t want to be in my husbands sweats for that - I guarantee you.

Every time you make a choice to confront an old habit or belief, you make a breakthrough.  You reclaim your power to create your life in the moment. If there isn’t a single thing in your imagination that could happen that would make this day a very special one, you might dress accordingly.  Or, you could recognize that there doesn’t have to be anything on your calendar that you are aware of that makes this day special, and you could create the possibility that it will be a magical, incredible, life-changing day that you’re gonna want to get caught looking good in.  We are attracting the people and events into our lives that we have calibrated our energy to. If days and years are sailing by and you aren’t satisfied with what you’ve attracted, chose something different. Chose spectacular, bold, wild, silky fabrics and go out and write yourself into a more exciting and dynamic chapter in your life.

Some of you may have seen my Instagram posts and stories this week on my 30-day challenge to wear a feminine dress every day.  I realized I was trapped in a story that I get more stuff done literally and figuratively “wearing the pants.” Wearing a dress has always been a signal to me that it’s a special occasion, people are going to see me, and don’t do too much, because you might get your dress dirty.  All things that I have been avoiding. Why? That sounds like a pretty great life, right?

I’m writing a new narrative by consciously choosing to embrace my feminine powers of attracting exciting and celebratory moments in my life.  I could easily attract those same great emotions while wearing a pair of sweats, but rituals that get us to do things differently coupled with a powerful intention create results.  I’m also installing a new belief that my closet is already overflowing with opportunities to have fun and feel beautiful everyday. When you look an old belief squarely in the eye and remind it who created it, it loses its power.  Then, all we need to do is step one purple velvet Birkenstock in front of the other in the direction of the story we would rather be living.

What stories are keeping you stuck in the closet?

KidsBrenda Hastings